{"id":29029,"date":"2024-07-31T18:01:48","date_gmt":"2024-07-31T18:01:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/?page_id=29029"},"modified":"2024-07-31T18:06:10","modified_gmt":"2024-07-31T18:06:10","slug":"effective-mental-health-conversation-starters-to-use-with-your-teen","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/effective-mental-health-conversation-starters-to-use-with-your-teen\/","title":{"rendered":"Effective Mental Health Conversation Starters to Use With Your Teen"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-29031 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/pablo-merchan-montes-TV_HciOMpzM-unsplash-1-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"A parent and teen engage in a conversation over breakfast in their pajamas.\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/pablo-merchan-montes-TV_HciOMpzM-unsplash-1-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/pablo-merchan-montes-TV_HciOMpzM-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/pablo-merchan-montes-TV_HciOMpzM-unsplash-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/pablo-merchan-montes-TV_HciOMpzM-unsplash-1-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/pablo-merchan-montes-TV_HciOMpzM-unsplash-1-2048x1365.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><em>By Jessica Hicks<\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if you\u2019ve spent a lot of time preparing to talk to your teen about their mental health, it\u2019s normal to feel nervous or unsure when you actually start the conversation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember: This is the start of an ongoing dialogue, not a one-and-done conversation. Don\u2019t put pressure on yourself to cover everything right now. Your teen will likely feel less overwhelmed and more willing to open up if you discuss their well-being over the course of several conversations. (If you have reason to believe <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/its-an-emergency-2\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">it\u2019s an emergency, though, get help now with these resources<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Use the tips below to start a conversation about mental health, manage the situation if the conversation does not progress, and take care of yourself after you\u2019ve talked.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Start a Conversation About Mental Health<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you talk to your teen, start off by asking how they\u2019ve been doing. You\u2019ll want to avoid simply asking, \u201cHow are you?\u201d because you may be met with \u201cfine\u201d or another one-word answer. Instead, ask something like:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I know it\u2019s a stressful time right now with [final exams, college applications, sports tryouts, etc.]. Can you tell me how that\u2019s been affecting you?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are the highs and lows in your world lately?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What was the good, the bad, and the \u201cmeh\u201d of today?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you still get short or nonspecific answers, try a follow-up question that invites more detailed discussion. The key is to avoid using declarative or judgmental language (\u201cYou are overly anxious,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re getting too angry lately\u201d) and lean on your observations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI\u2019ve noticed you\u2019ve been more <a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/resource\/5-ways-to-stay-calm-when-youre-stressed-about-school\/\">stressed about school<\/a> recently, especially when studying for biology. Can you tell me more about that?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019ve hung out with Ben in a while. You used to spend time together every week. How have things been between the two of you?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI noticed you\u2019ve been pretty tired lately. What\u2019s making it hard to sleep?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be sure to validate your teen\u2019s feelings. Some things your teen may be distressed about may not seem like a big deal to you, but they are meaningful to your teen and should not be minimized or dismissed. Even if you don\u2019t entirely understand where your teen is coming from, do your best to empathize and affirm their experiences. You can follow this formula:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Acknowledge the emotion\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Empathize with the emotion<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Find out more<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That might look like: \u201cIt sounds like Ben really hurt your feelings when he made plans without you. I\u2019m sorry that happened. Has this happened multiple times?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s OK to help your teen recognize that they may be overreacting to or misreading a situation, but be sure to also fully explore what\u2019s happening and how they feel in addition to always offering empathy.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Other Tips to Keep in Mind When Talking to Your Teen<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Focus on listening rather than fixing. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As a parent or caregiver, your immediate response may be to want to make things better for your teen by taking action. It\u2019s actually more helpful to let your teen decide the next steps. You can ask them straight up: \u201cDo you want my help or advice, or do you just want to vent?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Treat your teen like the expert in the room \u2014 because they are. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They may not have found the coping strategies that work for them just yet or they may struggle to prioritize their well-being, but your teen is the expert on their lived experiences and should be treated as such. Be sure to validate them and let them play an active role in decision-making around their mental health, to the extent possible with their safety in mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Take breaks, but don\u2019t back out of the conversation.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> You may need to process what your teen has shared, but you don\u2019t want to walk away in the middle of the conversation. You may suggest something that gives you both a moment to breathe while continuing the dialogue. You can say something like: \u201cI\u2019m so glad you shared this with me. Thank you. Let\u2019s take a walk together and get some fresh air as we think about the next steps.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What to Do If the Conversation Doesn\u2019t Progress\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s possible \u2014 likely, even \u2014 that your teen will say they are fine or tell you they don\u2019t want to talk about their feelings or mental state. In that case, you can:\u00a0<\/span><b><\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Gently prod but don\u2019t get angry or insistent, and do not raise your voice out of frustration. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask a few more questions before moving on. You could rephrase the question you used to open the conversation or inquire about other habits or behavior changes you\u2019ve noticed. Remind your teen that you\u2019re an ally when talking about hard things.<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Share your own experiences.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Talk about a time you struggled when you were young and how you managed the situation. You could even talk about a time your parent or caregiver approached you and you wished the conversation went differently. Say something like: \u201cIt was hard to talk about. They said [this], but I wish they would have said [that]. Please tell me if you want me to change the way I\u2019m talking about this.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Respect their boundaries if it isn\u2019t an emergency. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reiterate that you are there when they want to talk, and say you\u2019ll check in later.<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Provide resources your teen can look at on their own time. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That may include information on local mental health resources, crisis resources, or articles from the JED <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/i-want-to-take-care-of-my-mental-health\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Mental Health Resource Center.<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Consider doing it outside of the conversation by leaving the materials on their bed or desk, or sending them links over email or social media.<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Return to the conversation at a later date. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you know your teen takes time to process or prefers to know when a conversation is coming, you can work with them to pick an upcoming date and time to sit down again.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What to Do After You\u2019ve Talked to Your Teen<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Take stock of your own emotions. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may be feeling worried, angry, nervous, or any number of difficult emotions after talking with your teen. Being aware of your emotions can help you cope more effectively and continue being there for your teen.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Take a mindful moment. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can try a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=FwINpon1Q8M\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">grounding meditation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/story.snapchat.com\/p\/f0dcef23-4f2b-45f3-8dba-f7e491a4b8c0\/2407075349854208\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">quick box-breathing exercise<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, or a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=7vcrlmSFVLQ&amp;t=2s\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">90-second yoga reset<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Use the information you have constructively. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your teen may have shared something with you that is surprising, worrisome, or disappointing. To maintain open communication with them, try to use the information they confided in you for constructive purposes. Avoid using the information to punish your teen during times of high tension or in other situations that can violate their trust and reduce the likelihood of them talking to you in the future. You want your teen to feel as if they have an ally.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Reach out for help.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Finding someone to talk to when your teen is struggling may help you manage everything you\u2019re juggling, develop positive coping strategies, create a support network, and let you know that you will not be alone as you go through this process.<\/span><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Find help for your teen. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your teen acknowledges that talking to a professional would be helpful, finding a good fit is important. You can start by getting referrals from a family doctor or other medical specialist, family members, friends, or other trusted acquaintances.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learn more about how to get <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/resource\/7-ways-to-get-affordable-mental-health-care\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">affordable mental health care<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, find <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/resource\/how-to-find-a-culturally-competent-therapist\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a culturally competent therapist<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and help your teen take care of themselves when <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/resource\/8-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-when-youre-waiting-for-mental-health-care\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">waiting for mental health care<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What to Do If Your Teen Needs Help Right Now\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your teen is in crisis and needs to talk to a mental health professional right now, help them text, call, or chat <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/988lifeline.org\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">988<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for a free confidential conversation with a trained counselor 24\/7.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can also have them contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741-741.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If it\u2019s a medical emergency or there is immediate danger of harm, call 911 and explain that your teen needs support for a mental health crisis.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>Learn More Talking to Your Teen About Mental Health<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/teen-mental-health-warning-signs-what-parents-should-know\/\">Mental Health Warning Signs in Teens: What Parents Should Know<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/prepare-to-talk-to-teens-about-mental-health-tips\/\">How to Talk to Teens About Mental Health: Tips to Prepare<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/resource\/tips-for-talking-to-your-teen-about-their-mental-health\/\">10 Tips for Talking to Your Teen About Their Mental Health<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/how-to-build-resilience-in-teens-and-young-adults\/\">How to Build Resilience in Teens and Young Adults: 7 Essential Tips<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/resource\/how-to-ask-someone-if-theyre-thinking-about-suicide\/\">How to Ask Someone If They Are Thinking About Suicide<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/tips-to-help-teens-stay-safe-and-healthy-on-social-media\/\">Tips to Help Teens Stay Safe and Healthy While Using Social Media<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Jessica Hicks Even if you\u2019ve spent a lot of time preparing to talk to your teen about their mental health, it\u2019s normal to feel <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":29031,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-29029","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Mental Health Conversation Starters to Use With Your Teen | JED<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover effective mental health conversation starters to have meaningful discussions with your teen and support their well-being.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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