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By Kelly Burch<\/em><\/p>\n Mental health experts and educators have increasingly focused on the value of resilience. In its simplest form, <\/span>emotional resilience<\/span> means working through hard times and handling life\u2019s ups and downs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n When you apply for new jobs after being laid off, juggle the challenges of raising teens while caring for your own parents, or create a new normal after divorce, you\u2019re demonstrating resilience. You also demonstrate resilience in smaller ways every day when you show up for yourself and your kids despite feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or any number of challenging emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n As much as we\u2019d love to protect them, our teens are going to encounter stress, sadness, frustrations, and anxiety. <\/span>Building resilience<\/span> in young adults is about showing them that they can endure a wide range of emotions and get through them \u2014 even if it\u2019s hard.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Resilience training<\/span> can become part of everyday life, as you show teens<\/span> how to build resilience<\/span> in normal day-to-day situations. Emotional resilience will help teens transition to adulthood, whether they\u2019re learning to compromise with roommates at college<\/a> or navigating the stressors of working full time. Here\u2019s how <\/span>building resilience in children<\/span> and teens can create skills that will last a lifetime.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As a parent, there\u2019s a real temptation to sweep away things that are bothering or challenging your teen, but solving problems for your child won\u2019t teach them resilience. The best way to develop resilience is by coping with difficult situations firsthand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Sit by your teen as they go through a challenging time and validate their feelings, prompting them to talk through what they\u2019re experiencing and asking what they think they need to do to solve the problem. That can help build up your teen\u2019s distress tolerance.<\/span><\/p>\n It can be hard to watch your teen struggle \u2014 with a breakup, anxiety<\/a>, being fired from a job, or anything else. Remember that this is a good time for your teen to practice building resilience, while they still have the safety net of living at home. By letting them think of and try their own solutions \u2014 and make occasional mistakes \u2014 you\u2019re equipping them with better resilience in adulthood.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Giving your teen space to solve their problems doesn\u2019t mean stepping back completely. It\u2019s still important to check in on them and let them know when you\u2019re concerned. If you notice your teen spending even more time in their room than usual, for example, talk with them about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This is a great time for open-ended questions. Try saying something like, \u201cI\u2019ve noticed you\u2019re not going to drama club anymore. What\u2019s up with that?\u201d Ask your teen if they\u2019d like help brainstorming solutions or if they just want to vent. Remind them you\u2019re always there for them, but be sure to check back later since it can be difficult for teens to start these conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n Some things that devastate your teen \u2014 such as being left out of a social gathering or being embarrassed on social media<\/a> \u2014 may seem insignificant to you, but turn up your empathy instead of downplaying what your teen is going through.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n You can say something like, \u201cHigh school friendships can be hard. I didn\u2019t have to deal with social media when I went through it, but I can see how much this affects you.\u201d Validating the stress your child is experiencing goes a long way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Resilient people are able to find solutions to their problems and make a new plan if their first one doesn\u2019t work out. But that skill is developed over time, and many teens haven\u2019t yet had a chance to work on it. As a parent, you can help demonstrate realistic problem-solving skills and teach your teen how to find solutions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Start by asking your teen if they\u2019ve ever talked a friend through a similar situation, and what helped. Listen to what they say first, and help them figure out steps to take for themselves. Together, brainstorm what other approaches may work in case they need a backup plan.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As parents, we want teens to come to us. But even when our kids know they\u2019re supported and loved unconditionally, they\u2019re sometimes more comfortable talking to an adult who isn\u2019t their parent. Strong social relationships with other <\/span>caring adults and peers<\/span><\/a> are strong factors in resilience.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s not a failure if your teen doesn\u2019t come to you. It shows that they have healthy relationships outside their immediate family, which is a key part of teen development.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n One of the best ways to teach resilience is to acknowledge that it\u2019s OK to need support. When teens feel overwhelmed by their emotions, encourage them to seek professional support.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n That models the idea that you don\u2019t have to wait until a crisis point to get mental health support. Instead, early intervention is healthy, helpful, and effective.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Learn more about how to get help<\/a> for your teen.<\/em><\/p>\n Stress is an everyday part of life. You wouldn\u2019t want to burden your child with your stressors, but it\u2019s OK to talk to them about some challenging parts of your life. Seeing you navigate a minor financial setback or a complicated friendship can demonstrate resilience firsthand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n In a similar way, it\u2019s important to try to keep an even keel, especially in front of your teens. Seeing a parent take a deep breath, stay calm, and create a solution teaches teens healthy coping. Try to avoid saying things like, \u201cI can never catch a break,\u201d which can cause teens to internalize the message that life is hard. Instead, opt for, \u201cWe always get through\u201d \u2014 a reaction that emphasizes resilience.<\/span><\/p>\n If you overreact to a challenge, don\u2019t beat yourself up. It happens to everyone, and it offers an opportunity to model the ways you recenter yourself in, or after, the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n Effective Mental Health Conversation Starters to Use With Your Teen<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n Tips to Help Teens Stay Safe and Healthy Using Social Media<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n How to Identify and Talk About Your Feelings<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n1. Don\u2019t Try to Solve Everything<\/span><\/h2>\n
2. Let Them Know When You\u2019re Worried<\/span><\/h2>\n
3. Show Empathy<\/span><\/h2>\n
4. Model Problem-Solving<\/span><\/h2>\n
5. Encourage Connections With Other Adults<\/span><\/h2>\n
6. Recommend Professional Help<\/span><\/h2>\n
7. Normalize Tough Times\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n
Learn More About Raising Resilient Teens\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n