{"id":44965,"date":"2025-11-14T13:12:47","date_gmt":"2025-11-14T18:12:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/?p=44965"},"modified":"2025-11-18T09:55:55","modified_gmt":"2025-11-18T14:55:55","slug":"surviving-suicide-loss-after-years-of-silence-a-sister-finds-her-voice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/surviving-suicide-loss-after-years-of-silence-a-sister-finds-her-voice\/","title":{"rendered":"Surviving Suicide Loss: After Years of Silence A Sister Finds Her Voice"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Chryss
Chryss and her brother, Mark.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Chryss felt her chest tighten.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>Watching her oldest daughter walk through the double doors at her high school for the very first time, Chryss thought: \u201cIt\u2019s going to eat her up. She\u2019s not going to come back out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

She thought about going inside to make sure she was OK, to ask someone to look out for her. She realizes today that it was her own childhood that was haunting her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was 2018, nearly 40 years after Chryss lost her older brother, Mark, to suicide.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He was 15, a high school freshman, funny and high-energy, the kind of brother whose musical tastes became hers. Who shared dozens of quiet moments with his sister. Brushing teeth over the sink. Walking to the school bus. Digging for arrowheads in the summer. Catching frogs.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>She was 12. That was the year her childhood ended.<\/span><\/p>\n

For decades afterward, she didn\u2019t talk about him. \u201cI repressed it for maybe 30 years,\u201d she says. \u201cMost people in my life didn\u2019t even know I had a brother.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Then one day, two students at a nearby high school died by suicide. Chryss, a reporter with the local paper, watched as editors struggled with speculation. <\/span>Why would they do that?<\/span><\/i>
\n<\/span><\/i>
\n<\/span><\/i>\u201cYou\u2019re never going to know the answer to that,\u201d she thought. She wrote an opinion piece about her own experiences called \u201cPain That Never Leaves Hits Home.\u201d It ran on the front page.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Mark died in 1981, the adults around Chryss didn\u2019t know how to respond. The morning after his death, she was sent to stay with family friends, who sat her down and said: \u201cWhen you go home, be strong for your parents.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Six months later, ABC filmed a national segment on teen suicide at her family\u2019s home in Loveland, Colorado. In the footage, 12-year-old Chryss sits at one end of the couch, her parents at the other.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cI remember watching it years later and thinking, why didn\u2019t somebody have their arm around me?\u201d she says. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t anyone hold my hand?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Chryss,
Chryss, her brother Mark, and their dog Shaggy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Her parents grieved differently. Her mother threw herself into activism, speaking publicly about suicide prevention. Her father, an engineer, turned inward. \u201cHe kept his head down. Went fishing.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

No one really knew how to talk about suicide, or comfort a child living through it. Chryss found the most comfort from Mark\u2019s friends.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Fast forward to when her daughter walked into that high school decades later and the past came rushing back.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cI didn\u2019t expect it,\u201d Chryss says. \u201cI saw her go through those doors, and I just couldn\u2019t leave.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When the pandemic hit, things got harder. \u201cMy daughter was 15, the same age as Mark. And in my head, that meant I was going to lose her, too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

She found a therapist. She started writing again. She began to talk about Mark.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy grief was patient,\u201d she says. \u201cIt just waited for me to grow up.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Today, Chryss teaches journalism at Colorado State University. She begins each class with a mental-health check-in: <\/span>How\u2019s your roommate? What\u2019s overwhelming you this week?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Her students, many of them freshmen, often respond with relief. \u201cThey want to talk about this stuff,\u201d she says. \u201cThey\u2019re not getting it anywhere else.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Chryss\u2019s parents still live in the same house where she and Mark grew up. When she visits, she sits and talks to him.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cI was always on Mark\u2019s side,\u201d she says. \u201cSomeone should have helped him.\u201d But they didn\u2019t know how back then.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, she\u2019s trying to be that person for others, especially for siblings. \u201cAfter a suicide, everyone says, \u2018your poor parents,\u2019 and that\u2019s true. But siblings are often forgotten mourners,\u201d she says. \u201cThey lose their person.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

At sunset each day, Chryss looks to the horizon and continues that conversation with Mark.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cI ask him for advice,\u201d she says. \u201cHe\u2019s my biggest champion, my professor, my advocate.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Forty-four years after his death, she\u2019s written the book she wishes someone had written for her. It\u2019s called <\/span>At the Top of the Stairs: A Child’s Story of Losing her Sibling to Suicide<\/span><\/i>. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>It\u2019s where she sat as a 12-year-old, listening to the adults downstairs, waiting for someone to say his name.<\/span><\/p>\n

Chryss Cada shared her story as part of JED\u2019s International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day campaign. You can read more stories, access resources, and share a memory of your own here<\/a>. You can also visit Chryss\u2019s website<\/a> to learn more about her work.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\n

If you or someone you know needs to talk to someone right now, text, call, or chat 988 for a free confidential conversation with a trained counselor 24\/7.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting \u201cHOME\u201d to 741741.<\/em><\/p>\n

If this is a medical emergency or if there is immediate danger of harm, call 911 and explain that you need support for a mental health crisis.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Chryss felt her chest tighten. Watching her oldest daughter walk through the double doors at her high school for the very first time, Chryss thought: <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":54,"featured_media":44966,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-44965","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSurviving Suicide Loss: After Years of Silence A Sister Finds Her Voice | The Jed Foundation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Chryss lost her brother Mark to suicide in 1981, silencing her grief for decades. 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