{"id":45744,"date":"2025-12-16T11:55:55","date_gmt":"2025-12-16T16:55:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/?p=45744"},"modified":"2025-12-19T16:37:09","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T21:37:09","slug":"what-a-mother-learned-after-losing-her-son-to-suicide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jedfoundation.org\/what-a-mother-learned-after-losing-her-son-to-suicide\/","title":{"rendered":"What a Mother Learned After Losing Her Son to Suicide"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"The
The Dunleavy family in Florence, Italy, 2016.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The first item in their new house was a brown little army guy that Joey placed on top of a motion detector to keep everyone safe. On the day Joey died, his sister gathered many of his soldiers he had collected since he was little and placed them throughout the house.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They had been part of his life for as long as anyone could remember.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As a child he carried bags of them to swim meets and theater rehearsals, quietly entertaining himself for hours. He had \u201cthousands of little army men,\u201d his mom, Nora, said.<\/span><\/p>\n

His interest in military history was passed down from his father and grandfather, reinforced by evenings spent watching the history channel together, and reading the oversized military history books he paged through as a child.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cHe was funny. Wicked smart,\u201d Nora said. At school, \u201che was a bit of a mentor.\u201d If someone was being picked on, \u201che would step in.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What Joey did not do \u2014 Nora now understands painfully \u2014 was show himself the same kindness he showed everyone else.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cHe was super hard on himself,\u201d she said. And even though he was surrounded by people who loved him, \u201cI think he felt alone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joey had ADHD, and staying on top of school assignments was difficult. Then came COVID.<\/span><\/p>\n

For a child like Joey, remote schooling was \u201cthe absolute worst possible setup,\u201d Nora said. A social kid was suddenly isolated. A teenager who needed connection felt suddenly cut off.<\/span><\/p>\n

When the school gave him more flexibility on assignments, Nora said Joey fell further behind. His parents tried to help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was kind of this unfortunate culmination of everything happening at the same time,\u201d she said. \u201cWhat do you call that? The perfect storm.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joey continued to deal with depression and had a hard time finding his way. He loved the idea of being on the football team, but when he was placed on the junior team, mostly with younger students, \u201che felt less than.\u201d His parents found him a therapist, consulted a psychiatrist and his pediatrician, and reached out to his school, but he continued to struggle.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

After Joey died at age 16, people in Nora\u2019s community, friends, neighbors, and other parents began reaching out.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo many people said, \u2018My kid is struggling too,\u2019 or \u2018My kid had a suicide attempt,\u2019\u201d she said.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Nora and her husband wrote Joey\u2019s obituary, they refused to hide that he had died by suicide.<\/span><\/p>\n

They didn\u2019t want any other family to feel the anguish they were feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n

A grief that was overwhelming.<\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/span>\u201cI was just a walking zombie,\u201d Nora said of the first year. She cried every day for three years.<\/span><\/p>\n

But something shifted.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAcceptance isn\u2019t quite the right word,\u201d Nora said. But she discovered another way to move forward.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

She attends suicide awareness walks. She speaks publicly. She shares her story with other parents when it might help. And she has learned to ask new kinds of questions, questions she asks her daughter: \u201cDo you want me just to listen? Do you want me to be your companion as you work through this? Do you want me to offer help?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s the kind of presence she wishes she had understood sooner.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEach kid is on their own journey,\u201d Nora said. \u201cBe on that journey with them. Meet them where they are.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe biggest thing for me,\u201d Nora said, \u201cis that not enough people talk about it. The stigma urges silence. People just aren\u2019t talking about mental health and suicide in a safe way.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

There are still moments when the loss strikes unexpectedly. For Nora, airports are the hardest.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll never see the world like I always imagined he would see it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Nora still has Joey\u2019s soldiers scattered throughout the house, including the ones her daughter placed there the day he died. When Nora sees one, she feels his presence watching over them. <\/span><\/p>\n

Find out how you\u00a0can make an impact<\/a>\u00a0on youth mental health.<\/em><\/p>\n

If you or someone you know needs to talk to someone right now, text, call, or chat 988 for a free confidential conversation with a trained counselor 24\/7.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting \u201cHOME\u201d to 741741.<\/em><\/p>\n

If this is a medical emergency or if there is immediate danger of harm, call 911 and explain that you need support for a mental health crisis.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The first item in their new house was a brown little army guy that Joey placed on top of a motion detector to keep everyone <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":54,"featured_media":45746,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45744","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat a Mother Learned After Losing Her Son to Suicide | The Jed Foundation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Explore Nora\u2019s journey of healing after losing her son Joey to suicide. 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